


Stairs

by NTEmbe



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: And I love writing shit like that., And maybe it's just me writing crack stories., But maybe it also could have happened., Especially when it comes to stories about their potential involvement with Avalanche., Gen, I absolutely adore my Turks and I will write for them forever.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-15 00:40:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18487741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NTEmbe/pseuds/NTEmbe
Summary: When Cloud, Barret, and Tifa infiltrate Shin-Ra Inc.'s headquarters, they choose to take the stairs. But it's hard for even that route to go unnoticed when there are Turks around.





	Stairs

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Stairs  
> Rating: PG-13, because I curse like a fucking savage bitch. And so does Reno.  
> Theme: What-If? The Stairs Edition  
> Pairings/Characters: No Pairings. Cloud, Barret, and Tifa in the Avalanche Stair Climbing Experience. Reno, Rude, Elena, and Tseng in the Turks' Viewing Party.  
> Spoilers/Warnings: If you've always entered Shin-Ra Inc. through the front door, this is gonna have at least some character dialogue spoilers on Avalanche's side.  
> Time Period: During the original game, Final Fantasy VII  
> Summary: When Cloud, Barret, and Tifa infiltrate Shin-Ra Inc.'s headquarters, they choose to take the stairs. But it's hard for even that route to go unnoticed when there are Turks around.  
> Word Count: 1,506  
> Dedication: To SakuraTsubasa on Twitch, for introducing me to the awe-inspiring and hilarious world of FFVII Speedrunning.  
> Disclaimer: I own nothing of FFVII, just my own thoughts. Years and years worth of thoughts.  
> A/N: OG Final Fantasy VII is so fucking funny. I really, really hope they keep all the humor and badassery in the Remake. <3

If someone had asked Reno if he had better things to do than kick his feet up and watch the security cameras with a bucket of popcorn, he'd look them straight in the eyes and tell them a truth and a lie in a single word:

"Nah."

Thankfully Rude was his only company, and the bald Turk sat watching the live camera footage with the same amused interest as his partner.

An audio transmission floated into the silent room from the wall of screens, conveying the leader of Avalanche's voice.

" _Don't know... why... the hell... we gotta... climb..._ "

" _...because we don't want to start a commotion until we've saved Aerith._ " responded the blonde man in Soldier garb. " _I doubt that's possible though..._ "

"Aw, c'mon Cloud. You just started!" Reno encouraged the screen, stretching out his arm so Rude could grab another handful of popcorn.

"What floor are they on now?" Rude asked between popcorn pieces.

"Nine."

Rude grunted. "Fifty to go."

 

\---

[About Twelve Floors Later]

\---

 

" _...how much farther do these stairs go on?_ "

" _Why don't you ask them?_ "

Reno howled with laughter, slapping his knee and spilling popcorn. He rolled his chair closer to Rude and elbowed him in the side with a grin. "Your girl's cutthroat when she gets tired! She just almost bit the big guy's head off!"

Rude flushed red in the face, but before he got a chance to defend himself a new voice cut across Reno's teasing.

"What are you two doing?!"

Both Turks glanced over their shoulders to where Elena, the Turks' newest recruit, was peeking her head in through the security room door.

"Workin'!" / "Taking a break." Reno and Rude responded simultaneously.

" _It's not one of them endless stairways or somethin', d'ya think?_ " the Avalanche leader's voice asked.

Elena jumped at the voice and slipped inside, shutting the door behind her hurriedly. She rushed to the camera screens where the footage of the three members of Avalanche running up one flight of stairs after another played in, unfortunately, no loop.

"Are they infiltrating us...?!" Elena gasped.

" _Of course not!!_ " the female martial artist sounded from the feed.

" _Right... couldn't be that..._ " the man with the gun-arm mumbled.

"They're giving it the old college try," Reno replied somberly.

"They haven't made it past the stairs," Rude pointed out.

"No one uses the stairs! Can we even count them as part of the building at this rate?"

Rude nodded thoughtfully.

"The way I'm seein' it right now: if they can't even make it up to the main floors of the building, there ain't no point in us going over there and wastin' our time waiting for them to climb all those stairs for nothing."

"It wouldn't feel right taking them out after that many flights of stairs even if they did make it to the top."

" _Are we there yet?_ "

" _Not yet._ "

"Y'know, that's a fair point, Rude! What kind of match would that be? We'd sneeze on them and they'd fall over. Nah, we'd better leave it to the footmen if they do make it up here."

"Better to stay here and watch," Rude agreed evenly, taking more popcorn.

Elena stood slackjawed, looking between her two superiors and the security cameras.

"We're really not going to do anything about this?" she asked in disbelief, talking over the camera feed of " _...there yet?_ " / " _I said not yet!_ ".

"'lena," Reno drew her attention, catching her brown eyes with his aqua. "Does it really look like we need to do anything about _that?_ "

" _Yo..._ " the leader of Avalanche panted as the blonde-haired man and martial artist climbed determinedly ahead of him.

" _Look, don't even ask! We're way way way way far away from being there, ok!?_ " The woman snapped for the third time in as many flights of stairs.

When Elena didn't answer, Reno held out the popcorn for her. "C'mon, Rookie. Grab a chair and place a bet. I still think they'll give out by Floor 40, but Rude says 35 is their max."

After a minute's hesitation, she had to ask. "What floor are they on right now?"

"33," Rude answered without missing a beat.

By the time the trio had reached Floor 34, it was looking like Rude had called it correctly.

" _Damn, man! I've had it! I'm going back!_ " Avalanche's leader exclaimed.

" _And take just as long going down as you did coming up?_ " the martial artist said.

The following deadpan silence made Reno holler with laughter and even Rude look on with surprised amusement. Elena couldn't take her eyes off the black man on the camera screen.

"Did he just--?" she asked.

"I've never seen a man closer to throwing someone down thirty-four flights of stairs than just then!" Reno cried, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. "The look on his face was _I'll show YOU just as long going back down!_ "

Rude might have chuckled except that he didn't find the intended traveler of the proposed shortcut quite as funny as the other two.

But despite their bickering, the trio continued to climb one floor after another with increasing difficulty. By the time they were fifteen floors away from their intended infiltration point, they had surpassed both Reno and Rude's original bets and the debate had ground to a respectful halt as the Turks watched the greatest endurance gauntlet they'd seen in many a year.

" _Yo... what floor is this?_ "

" _I gave up counting._ "

"I almost wanna give 'em a keycard for the elevator," Reno said.

"How much more do they have to go?" Elena asked, absentmindedly eating popcorn and totally engrossed in the struggle on screen.

"They're on Floor 51, so eight more to go," Rude answered.

"Think they'll make it?" Elena asked again.

Reno shrugged.

"They'll make it," an unexpected voice intruded.

Popcorn flew everywhere as all three of them jumped in surprise, turning around in shock to face the Leader of the Turks, Tseng, who had been standing behind them in silence for nobody knew how long.

"Holy fuck!" / "Boss!" / "Sir!"

Their cries mingled into one exclamation, and despite how stoic Tseng appeared at first glance, there was a gleam in his grey eyes that belied his bemusement at the situation.

"You need to stop doin' that shit, man!" Reno insisted, gesturing angrily with the nearly empty popcorn bucket.

"Ts-Tseng, sir!" Elena stuttered. "I was trying to convince them that we should do something--!"

Tseng shook his head and raised a hand to stop her. "There's no need for that, Elena."

"B-But, Sir!" she protested before realizing her voice was the only one being raised. She glanced at the others and noticed that their demeanors had changed. They were waiting, almost predatory, like wolves barely allowing themselves to be tamed by a kind word or tasty morsel.

There was a language there that she had seen on her sister's face time and time again. It was a way of noticing, of understanding, of thinking that crossed all Turks' faces at one point or another, and still one she was learning to master. She looked back to Tseng, determined and receptive. She refused to be underestimated.

" _Huff... Man, I'm beat..._ "

"Boss," Rude pressed. "They're almost here."

Tseng's eyes flashed with subdued mischief and the corner of his mouth quirked upward. Elena thought she saw a subtle cunning and something else in her boss's eyes though. Something wild, something that made her heart skip a beat when Tseng next spoke.

"Then let's make sure they're not locked out."

Rude's eyebrows rose but he nodded and headed for the door.

Reno started to follow him, but Tseng cut him off.

"Reno, you stay here and monitor their progress. Your popcorn can keep you company. I'm sure you'll be able to clean it all up before they reach the 59th Floor."

Reno's mouth dropped open, but Tseng didn't wait for him to respond. He gestured for Elena to follow Rude and stopped in the doorway after she had left.

"Oh, and Reno? I'd love a copy of this footage for home video. Just in case some... 'technical issues' occur and our friends' humorous escapades are lost to time. Could you get that for me?"

Tseng's expression was deceptively collected. Reno grinned.

"Ah, Boss..."

He rolled over to the dashboard and entered a preempted command. Instantly, every screen changed to prerecorded footage of a perfectly empty stairwell. Only one screen still showed the trio's progress, and Reno tapped the small data stick protruding from below it.

"Y'know ya never have to ask."

Tseng's smile this time was genuine. "Excellent."

They both stared at the screen as the camera angle changed to show Avalanche resting on another landing.

" _It's just a bit more! ...maybe._ "

Tseng turned and finally slipped back out through the door, calling over his shoulder: "Not a single kernel, Reno, or I'll give you all of Elena's reports as well."

Reno whirled in his chair just as the door closed. "Aw, come on! I thought you were kidding!"

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: But no really, what if after 59 double flights of stairs, the door at the top was locked?


End file.
